Wednesday 14 September 2016

All The Deets On My Mental Health

As this blog is a mixture of a bit of beauty and a bit about my life, some things that I'm sure will be about neither.
I do tend to waffle :D
I thought I would write a post talking about my mental health. Kinda like an introduction to what my life is like living with mental illness'.
It makes sense to me that I should share with you the details as I'm sure I will be talking about it quite a bit on my blog/channel.

Ok, so I've got OCD. I was diagnosed in 2014, and it really isn't all about being overly organized and washing your hands all the time
(although, I am guilty of both of those!).
At that time I was working in a shop and I was getting more and more stressed.
I was crying everyday, panicking and I wasn't even able to switch off when I got home.
I was checking and re-checking everything. It was taking up so much of my time.
Even when I had checked something for the 5th time I still wasn't convinced.
literally didn't trust my own brain.

Something wasn't right.
My family had seen everything that was going on and urged me to see a doctor.
I was diagnosed and in some ways it helped to know what was going on.
Unfortunately I had to leave my job within weeks of being diagnosed.
It had continued to worsen and the whole situation became more than I felt I could handle.

The best way for me to describe it is the same way a lot of others do and that is to break down the name itself :
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Having OCD involves having obsessions. For example, I will feel dirty. Literally dirty.
It may be because I have touched something I think may be dirty or sometimes, I just plain feel it.
I panic. I fear contaminating someone/something so I try to find a way to deal with this situation.

Which leads us to the compulsions.
Performing physical and/or mental 'rituals' in the hopes of relieving the anxiety.
In this scenario, I would then want to quickly find a way to wash my hands, if I can't do that for whatever reason, I will use hand sanitizer.

That brings us to the 'D' - Disorder.
OCD is a mental disorder and not something to be taken lightly or romanticized.
"The illness affects as many as 12 in every 1000 people (1.2% of the population) from young children to adults, regardless of gender or social or cultural background. In fact, it can be so debilitating and disabling that the World Health Organisation (WHO) has actually ranked OCD in the top ten of the most disabling illnesses of any kind, in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life." *link*

Unfortunately, I have obsessions and compulsions from a few different 'types' of OCD.
In the beginning, my main compulsions were centered around checking.
Whether it be plugs, windows, the correct orders at work, making sure I haven't said the wrong thing... The list goes on.
Ever since then, my checking has minimized; due to the fact that I am at home everyday and don't go out and mingle with people very much
(reducing the amount of plug checking, talking to people etc.).
My contamination OCD has progressively gotten worse. I don't like being touched, touching other people or their belongings.
I am not scared of germs, I am concerned that I may be dirty/contaminated and that in touching someone/something I will make them ill.

During my first round of C.B.T, it was brought to my attention that I have a heightened sense of responsibility.
To me, anything and everything is my fault. I feel it wholeheartedly, it's not just a passing feeling.
I have a hard time believing otherwise.

I also suffer with anxiety. Talking in general and interacting isn't easy for me.
I worry a lot about what I say and that I may hurt someones feelings or offend them.

Amidst everything, I struggle with lack of self care.
I am not a priority and I don't treat myself with the love and respect that I feel everyone should.

Recovery whilst feeling this way is incredibly difficult to say the least, but I am trying to persist.

So that's pretty much the ins and outs of my mental health.
With each of the above mentioned issues I struggle with, it has been a learning curve.
Since being diagnosed, I have looked back and been able to see that some illnesses have been with me for quite some time, under the radar.
I wasn't always as constrained as I am now and that gives me hope for the future :)

This year I have begun to learn how to live with my mental illness' rather than be controlled by them and that is a huge deal to me.
Baby steps.

I would love to be able to raise awareness and in any way help others - even if that is just by showing that fellow sufferers are not alone 

Thursday 25 August 2016

Reminiscing About My Make Up Collection

Over the years I have accumulated quite a collection of make up and I regret nothing xD
I have always been intrigued my cosmetics, even from a young age. I would watch my mum putting on her make up sometimes and just be like
keeping with the times with a JigglyPuff ;) *source*

It was just wondrous stuff! Whenever my mum has worn makeup, she sticks to what she likes. She has one eye shadow. Yes. ONE.
And the result is make up that is pretty and slightly understated...
And then you have me who whacks orangey eye shadows on like there's no tomorrow and has more eye shadows than there are days in the year ;)

I came across a picture from my first ever make up collection blog post and then one from a few years ago and I couldn't help but smile.
Laugh/smile you get the picture xD
I thought it would be nice for me to write a rather nostalgic post revisiting how my collection has changed over the years <3

So without further ado (and without anymore Pokemon memes) let's get started...

In the year 2011 I started finding a real passion for make up. It was like I had awoken a dormant monster.
I began buying more and more make up
So that's how I got where I am...
From 2011 to the beginning of 2012 my stash looked like this...
*pause for reaction*
These were the days before everyone was using Muji storage and also before I realized that my collection could look however I wanted.
The plastic drawers were from Tesco, as were the holders that are sitting on top of them.
I look back at this picture with fondness. This is where it all began. This was the starting pistol :')

Fast forward a number of months.
Later on in 2012 I painted the above area, invested in Muji storage, and was feeling super happy with the result.
- In this time I also SOMEHOW managed to buy a whole lot more make up and brushes. What a wonderful time :D
So this was the result of a slick of paint, new storage, fairy lights and some rearranging...
*pause for reaction*
Yeah that's right. This is the same place xD
I cannot even put into words how happy this made me
I'll try because this is a blog post obvs.
It was exactly what I wanted. Everything was well placed, easy to get to and was neat and tidy.
I had found my place in the world. This is what I was meant to be doing with my time.
I was going to share my passion with people. Who doesn't want to spend their day talking about something they love?
I wasn't even thinking of the money aspect of it. I had just had a realization that this is it.

Fast forward a couple of years to 2014.
I had moved house and needed a whole new set up.
I was more than happy to continue using my Muji storage but had no where to put it in my room :/
I logged onto Ikea and this is what happened...
I bought the Ikea Malm Dressing table. The stuff dreams are made of.
I also picked up the Alex 9 drawer unit (which you can see to the right of the picture).
I had a lot of space, more than enough for my collection and it turned what was kind of a bad situation into a better one.
I had concerns that the table wouldn't be able to hold my heavy brush storage - which I missed dearly.

So one day in 2015, I tried it...
Oh that's right! It's absolutely fine - to date :D
So. I have managed to recreate the 2012 storage that I adored so much in the year 2016.
It's been neither an easy or quick process but when something feels good it's worth the effort it takes to get it back :)

I hope you've enjoyed this post. It's been a lot of fun writing it and looking back at where it all started :)
Ooops ;D *source*