Friday 6 July 2018

Becoming Less Robot-Like | An MS Update (kinda)

Okay so this is going to be hard. I haven't spoken about my MS for such a long time – on here. Everything pre-diagnosis was blogged about. The lumbar puncture, the MRI's, the feeling of 'not knowing' what was going on. It was all aired. I posted my full journey shortly after I was diagnosed but since then, I haven't really spoken about it. And this past week, I have realized why.

I recently found out that I have new lesions. Which to be honest, I was expecting. However I was a bit taken aback when I saw that there are now not only lesions on my brain, but also on my spine. I mean, I feel a little like I shouldn't be too surprised, I had thought this would happen at some point but I was in shock. It kind of felt like as long as the lesions stayed in my brain, the whole MS thing wasn't real.
- i know, i know

While I have processed that I have Multiple Sclerosis, I haven't felt it. I have acted rather robot-like towards it. It has entered my life, it is now a part of me and that's that. But unfortunately by not feeling whatever needs to be felt, it kind of felt like the recent news came out of no where. So I talked about it. I spoke to my mum and brother. I shared how I was feeling which was mostly fear, sadness and worry. But you know what I felt afterwards? Lighter. I felt far less sad, I felt supported and am hopeful for the future.

I have always been a 'solve it yourself' kinda gal. I'm kind of independent on the whole and pride myself on my resilience. But if the last five years have taught me anything, it's that I don't have to put a brave face on and tackle things alone. I have wonderful friends and family that are more than happy to help and be a shoulder to cry on. Boy am I blessed!

So. No more bottling. No more robot Nicky. This is my life, MS is now a part of my life and I'm here to have a wide range of feelings about that! And I must always remember that : Sharing is caring! 😉

I'll be posting soon sharing my recent symptoms etc. but until then, thank you so much for stopping by 😊


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