Friday 2 September 2022

Swapping One Abuser For Another

|Trigger warning.|

The following contains

adult content, my experience with mental, verbal and emotional abuse, substance abuse, and mental health struggles.

Reader discretion is advised.


I’ve replaced one form of abuse with another.

For the first time in my adult life, I am free. Totally and completely free. I was caged in for so long but now, the cage door is open, and I can leave without any worry of consequences. What a concept!

Since I turned 18, I have been in abusive relationships. They may differ in their type, but they have been abusive nonetheless. Since I ended my last abusive relationship, I have had time to myself, have found a loving partner and generally have the freedom to do whatever my heart desires. But that hasn’t happened.

It may sound ~sick~ but the unhealed, traumatized parts of me, miss the abuse. Maybe that’s too honest, but it’s my truth (and it may be something you need to hear).

So now I have created my own cage.

I began smoking. For obvious reasons, it’s terrible for my health but the potential effects on the MS? Nah.

It’s been going on for so long now that it is a full-blown addiction

- lol. not lol at all

Now I find myself in quite the predicament :

Care about myself enough to make an effort to quit smoking. Resulting in better health and slowing the progression of MS.

Care about myself enough to cut out a form of self-inflicted abuse.

So basically, it’s the same old problem = lack of self-care/worth/love.

Unfortunately, this post doesn’t hold the answers (I wish). But I am hoping that in addressing the issue, I cannot continue mentally ignoring it. 

Thank you for stopping by, I really appreciate it xoxo

As always, sending you love and kickassery 😏💪💋💖

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