•|Trigger warning.|•
The following contains
adult content, my experience with mental, verbal and emotional abuse, substance abuse, and mental health struggles.
Reader discretion is advised.❤
🌱
I’ve replaced one form of abuse with another.
For the first time in my adult life, I am free. Totally
and completely free. I was caged in for so long but now, the cage door is open, and I can leave without any worry of consequences. What a concept!
Since I turned 18, I have been in abusive
relationships. They may differ in their type, but they have been abusive
nonetheless. Since I ended my last abusive relationship, I have had time to myself,
have found a loving partner and generally have the freedom to do whatever my
heart desires. But that hasn’t happened.
It may sound ~sick~ but the unhealed, traumatized parts
of me, miss the abuse. Maybe that’s too honest, but it’s my truth (and it may
be something you need to hear).
So now I have created my own cage.
I began smoking. For obvious reasons, it’s terrible for my
health but the potential effects on the MS? Nah.
It’s been going on for so long now that it is a full-blown
addiction
- lol. not lol at all
Now I find myself in quite the predicament :
Care about myself enough to make an effort to quit
smoking. Resulting in better health and slowing the progression of MS.
Care about myself enough to cut out a form of
self-inflicted abuse.
So basically, it’s the same old problem = lack of self-care/worth/love.
Unfortunately, this post doesn’t hold the answers (I
wish). But I am hoping that in addressing the issue, I cannot continue mentally
ignoring it.
Thank you for
stopping by, I really appreciate it xoxo
As always, sending
you love and kickassery 😏💪💋💖
•♡•
https://checkpointorg.com/global/
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