Saturday 29 January 2022

Pick me.

It may sound silly, ridiculous even, but I am embarking on a journey of choosing myself. 

To date, I always put my self-neglect down to - not having the time, too busy focusing on this person or this person or work etc., too busy worrying about everyone else. 

But those people I was hyper fixated on looking after and protecting for all that time? They're doing just fine without me hovering over them and making sure they're happy. 

I have always thought that I 'always put everyone else first' and while that was painfully true for large chunks of my life, it isn't anymore. In spite of that being a massive achievement, I have come to realize that, yes, I am no longer putting others first (to the degree I was) but I haven't replaced it with anything. Eg: Me. 

I have just been wandering around aimlessly. Living without another person being my purpose is completely foreign to me. 

It's almost as if at every turn of my life when the option of picking myself was available, I have found any and every other reason not to. I have crammed people into the first place in my life - without them even asking(!?!) - leaving me behind. 

I have started implementing healthier choices in my life. Ones that solely benefit me. It feels icky, triggering and completely alien to me. I am really uncomfortable but, I need this. My soul is calling me. It feels like it has been for a long, long time. And I cannot ignore it anymore. 

Thank you for stopping by, I really appreciate it xoxo

As always, sending you love and kickassery 😏πŸ’ͺπŸ’‹πŸ’–


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